


Like A Rock

by littleblackcat



Category: Free!
Genre: Drowning, M/M, Rescue, Secret Crush, Swimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-26 14:37:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2655626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleblackcat/pseuds/littleblackcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matsuoka-senpai will probably never return his feelings, but that's okay.</p>
<p>Nitori realizes one morning that he loves him. It's really as simple as that. No hemming or hawing or musing that his feelings could just be this or that--he really loves him. He does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like A Rock

Matsuoka-senpai will probably never return his feelings, but that's okay.

Nitori realizes one morning that he loves him. It's really as simple as that. No hemming or hawing or musing that his feelings could just be this or that--he really loves him. He does.

It's a jarring sort of feeling, actually, like having a word at the tip of your tongue. The more you try to reach it, the more it slips away from you, but then-- _aha_ \--you catch it and everything becomes clear. He loves him.

He's always had a bit of a bad habit of openly admiring things that he, himself, finds admirable. It's not envy but something more akin to awe. He feels elated watching what other people can do even if he can't do the same. Yet with swimming, in particular, he wants to try and that's all because of Matsuoka-senpai.

When he first begins attending Samezuka he immediately joins the swim team, but he has doubts that he can really keep up with everyone else. He's a little clumsy, a little scatterbrained, and a little slow at times, so his worry isn't completely unfounded. Perhaps he's critical, but it's prudent. He needs to work hard, that much he knows.

Then he sees Matsuoka-senpai swimming again and everything clicks into place as though a fire's been lit in his chest. His heart flutters with a feeling that's both old and new. It's admiration, but it's been revamped from however long ago.

He loves him, well and truly.

Of course Matsuoka-senpai doesn't realize this and, well, Nitori thinks it's better this way actually. How embarrassing would it be if his behaviour was attributed to a crush? Or an infatuation? Sure, people joke now, but the truth, if they knew, would be so much worse.

Matsuoka-senpai is passionate. He has dreams and drives and goals and none of those involve Nitori Aiichirou. At first he just accepts this. This is how things are going to be--he'll have his little crush and then Matsuoka-senpai and him will part ways and that will be the end of things. They'll both probably end up marrying someday, maybe, and settling down with wives and children. Or maybe Matsuoka-senpai won't, since he always goes his own way when doing anything anyway. Nitori entertains the idea of him with children and it makes him grin stupidly at his ceiling. He wonders if they'd have his smile. He'd love to see something like that.

Nitori knows his situation is hopeless and, perhaps, just a little pathetic, so he uses his feelings to at least benefit Matsuoka-senpai. 'Don't work yourself too hard' and 'here's your towel' and 'you shaved a few seconds off your time' and all. It's almost a pet project in a way--to see if he can make Matsuoka Rin happier or more at ease. Sometimes he feels like he succeeds and the swelling in his chest is so intense he imagines he's like a cloud.

He doesn't expect anything to change.

And then, somehow, life takes the reins away from him.

"Nitori, you're next." The captain tells him and Nitori nods at him, steeling himself, determined and prepared.

When he hits the water it's a cool wash of feeling and movements that are now so familiar to him that it feels like a second skin. He slips into the stroke, body fighting through the water with practiced precision. He may not be the best, but he's no novice either, and he pushes himself, focusing on fine tuning all the little flaws he's prone to making, of which there are far too many.

And then none of that matters because a shooting, sharp pain seizes his leg as though it's been caught in a vice and he flounders, gasping for air.

_Terror_.

Nitori's a little overly anxious at times but the feeling that drives through him when he flounces his arms and can't quite reach the surface is so gripping that it, alone, almost causes him to drown himself, mouth opening against his will to yell despite having trained in holding his breath. His leg is stiff and he wants to cry but he's surrounded by water so who's to say he isn't already?

And just when he's starting to get dizzy he feels arms wrap around him, locking him up against a firm hip in a hold reminiscent of a lifeguard's as he's pulled up out of the water. He meets the air with a desperate gasp that quickly dissolves into a coughing fit and he's scared somehow, despite being safe now, because he can't quite catch his breath.

Belatedly he realizes it's Matsuoka-senpai that's got him just as he's helped out of the pool and onto the side and before the captain can lean down to pat his back Matsuoka-senpai's already taken up that spot, saying things he can't quite follow at the moment.

For a minute or so he coughs but then it finally gives way to a wheeze and someone's told to take him to the infirmary.

It's Matsuoka-senpai.

He rinses in under a minute and awkwardly dresses, all under the mute stare of eyes that watch him like a hawk. Nervous, Nitori isn't sure what to think, but he's still shaking slightly and it has nothing to do with the cold.

"M- Matsu--," He tries, almost frustrated at how clumsy his tongue feels.

"Rin." Matsuoka-senpai says suddenly, startling him. "Just... say Rin. For now."

Nitori flushes slightly. "R- Rin-senpai?" He says. It's not really a stutter but like he quivers through his words. It's humiliating and it makes his face hotter.

Matsuoka-senpai looks appeased. "What?"

"T- Thanks... Thank you... for s- saving me..." Nitori manages right before he pulls his shirt over his head. His limbs feel inexplicably weak, like they do whenever he forgets to eat for too long.

"Don't." Matsuoka-senpai says sharply before his expression softens a little. "Don't thank me for that. That shouldn't have happened."

Nitori wilts slightly, guilty. "I- I'm sorry..."

"No." Matsuoka-senpai says, just as abruptly. "It's not your fault."

Unsure of how to respond to this, Nitori just looks at him, perplexed.

"Don't thank me for saving you--of course I'd save you. That's nothing to be grateful over. It wasn't a favor." Matsuoka-senpai continues, looking more and more frustrated with himself as Nitori's confusion only increases.

He wonders what the older student is try to say.

Matsuoka-senpai drags a hand through his hair and sighs, looking at him, gaze as sharp as his teeth. "Don't do... _that_ again." And then, "If you can help it." He shrugs, awkward. "You worried me."

It's strange, but Nitori feels his chest fill with something fragile and light.

He doesn't want to examine it to know what it means because he already knows that it's hope and it's futile to waste time with it but it's already there, filling him up like a balloon.

Nitori isn't sure what possesses him to suddenly do something so bold but he takes the step needed to bridge the gap between them and hugs his senior, earnest, hoping to reassure him and thank him despite what he'd said.

He's not surprised when Matsuoka-senpai stiffens. He is, however, surprised when he feels him put his arms around him and hug back. And he squeezes just once, for a moment, as though to reaffirm that Nitori is there. And then he lets go and he steps back, the gesture ended.

The walk to the infirmary is silent but Nitori's heart is pounding so hard in his chest that he's sure Matsuoka-senpai can hear it too.

He can sometimes feel his senior's gaze drift over him before away again, the prickling on the back of his neck telltale.

He isn't happy that he almost drowned during practice. He isn't happy that he's embarrassed himself in front of the entire team. It feels clumsy and novice to get cramp, even though he knows it can afflict anyone at any time.

And yet, walking together with Matsuoka-senpai like this, he feels grounded somehow--anchored--and he realizes that the anxiety he would normally feel after something like this is strangely absent.

Matsuoka-senpai is the rock though which he weathers the storm.

Nitori realizes his feelings should worry him. He's relying on the other boy too much for his own good.

But he doesn't see the whole picture.

He doesn't know how panicked Matsuoka-senpai looked when someone yelled out that he was drowning. He doesn't recall him yelling a strangled sounding, 'Ai!' before jumping into the pool after him. He doesn't remember the fretting, the 'Are you okay?'s, and the distress etched into hard features. Nitori is absolutely blind to all of it, including the meaning behind the wary stare that follows him through the halls, just a step behind.

Because Matsuoka-senpai isn't the only rock in this relationship, and Rin is suddenly terrified at the thought that he could lose his.


End file.
